IT GETS better, Paul. Once again a loser in Fantasy Football, Paul Gentile faced shame and scorn on the public streets of Melrose last weekend. (courtesy photo)


MELROSE—Paul Gentile*, of MSU campus in Melrose’s toney East Side, displayed to the world his worthlessness on Super Bowl Sunday, coming in dead last in the Mayors of Melrose Fantasy Football League. Gentile’s losing season marks his fifth year – out of five – of failing to even make the playoffs.

Gentile was seen parading Main Street to the contempt of business patrons who jeered him with taunts of “shame”, reminiscent of a famous scene from the HBO series, Game of Thrones.

“It’s been a big problem for Paul for years,” said one league member who requested anonymity. “He doesn’t understand the underlying game of football, he drafts all running backs with the hope of making ridiculous trades an hour later, and when he can’t figure out how to use the online platform, he cheats. He actually cheats! We call him Pinnochio.”


HOPEFULLY PAUL Gentile’s car is self-driving given his poor Fantasy Football skills. (Courtesy photo)


Gentile stated, “I had hoped to sit down to a nice meatloaf dinner on Sunday night prior to the Super Bowl to start researching for next year, but they tell me I’ve been banned for 2022! However, I’m a very big Tom Brady fan and a regular contributor to his Instagram posts, so I’m hoping I can get him to put a good word in for me and get that reversed.” Good luck with that, Paul.

The Mayors of Melrose is a highly elite, invitation-only fantasy football league, originated in Melrose. Members’ identities and prizes are strictly confidential and usually unconfirmed. Failure customarily results in public shaming and suspension.

*No relation to any Gentile affiliated with Melrose Weekly News.