Published in the December 21, 2017 edition.
By MARK SARDELLA
It’s late December, and you know what that means.
Santa has made his list and checked it twice. But it no longer matters if you’ve been naughty or nice, because it’s 2017 and Santa doesn’t make moral judgments. Who is Santa to determine bad or good for anyone else?
That being said, after yesterday’s tax cut announcement, Santa is in an especially generous mood this year, so let’s go right to the list.
To Police Chief Rick Smith: a private jet.
To Brian Fox: a ridiculous costume.
To Paul DiNocco: a gift certificate to Caryn’s Sports bar.
To the Wakefield Human Rights Commission: pink hats and safety pins.
To the Wakefield Police Department: a buyer for 10 Mansion Road.
To Jim Lapery: a sump pump for the next time he wants to drain the swamp.
To Wakefield Public School Students: a real snow day.
To the Civic League: a real conspiracy.
To Green Street residents: an ark.
To Town Clerk Betsy Sheeran: a Street List.
To the School Committee: 4 percent.
To Selectman Brian Falvey: a search party.
To Rep. Paul Brodeur: a comb.
To Building Inspector Jack Roberto: rodeo tickets.
To the Board of Selectmen: a gender-neutral snow person of color.
To Israel Horovitz: Viagra and mistletoe.
To motorists on the Route 129 rotary: drivers ed.
To National Grid: EMF neutrality.
To the transmission line abutters: whale oil lamps.
To Bob McLaughlin: an underwater camera and a harpoon.
To Town Counsel Tom Mullen: a new title to avoid confusion with Town Council. Santa suggests “Attorney General.”
Well that about does it for this year. If your name didn’t appear on the list, don’t feel slighted. Consider that my gift to you.
