Published February 19, 2021
MELROSE, Mass. – Melrose resident Fred Good suffered the utmost humiliation on Super Bowl Sunday, coming in dead last in the Mayors of Melrose Fantasy Football League – with a dreadful record of 2 wins and 12 losses.
Good was relegated to pacing Main Street to the contempt of onlookers, especially confused and bewildered children. An unnamed member of the League said on Sunday, “I’m not sure how Fred’s family is going to get past this. This is really bad. There’s a reason he’s known as Owen Good and, well, that can be brutal on family relationships.”
“Things happen for a reason,” Good said. “I consider it an opportunity to rebuild and readjust during the off-season.”
That off-season may be longer than Mr. Good expected. In addition to complete dishonor of his family, Good will be suspended from the Mayors of Melrose for one season, consistent with League regulations.
The Mayors of Melrose is a highly elite, invitation-only fantasy football league, originated in Melrose. Members’ identities and prizes are strictly confidential and usually unconfirmed. Failure customarily results in public shaming and suspension.
